Hate the Dept of Revenue

So yesterday, after picking up 8 computers to repair, I come home and see a letter from the Dept. of Revenue. It's in the envelope they use to mail out the montly sales tax forms I fill out if I choose not to e-file. The print in the "To:" field looked a little different, so I opened it up (usually I just dump them in the filing cabinet and keep my e-file receipts).

Inside was a letter stating I had defaulted on the payment arrangements I had set up in October.

Most of the people reading this blog are likely aware that my battles with the state are either on a legendary platform or are really close. My opinion of how the Dept. of Revenue's Division of Collections is run is pretty much on par with my three-year-old niece's ability to manage her own finances.

I'm rather baffled by this letter. When I set the payment arrangement up in October, I gave them $400 towards the balance. They set me up on automatic drafts of $140/month afterwards for 18 months. It's been my intention to get that paid off well before 18 months approach (and right now, I'll likely be able to pay them off by the end of next month).

A couple weeks after the initial $400 payment, I called in a $150 payment thinking it was going to count as November's payment. A few days after that, the automatic draft of $140 comes out. That wasn't a big deal really, I just wanted to make sure I was on the same page as the DoC. It wasn't a complicated set up. I had simply requested that I have the ability to pay sooner or delay a payment by a couple days depending on when I got paid from my customers.

(You small business owners out there know you're pretty much at your customer's mercy when you're dealing in service...)

Apparently you can't do that and that wasn't told to me. Again, no biggie really, I just needed to make sure I had $140 in the account when the due date was approaching.

So it's Jan 25th and I'm staring at this letter. I go back to look at my bank statements just to make sure I actually had the payments drafted out of my account.

Statement looked like this:

Oct 22nd: $400
Nov 20th: $150
Nov 25th: $140
Dec 24th: $140
Jan 25th: $140

Yep, verified. Obviously there's some mistake. If it's one thing I've learned in dealing with the state it's that there's always "some mistake". I pretty much have to pay more attention to them than I do to my three-year-old niece to make sure they're doing the right thing.

(Can you guys tell just how fond I am of the State yet?)

That mistake means "Call the DoC" is added to my list of shit to do.

So I call. As luck would have it, a lady I chewed out about a year ago happens to answer the phone and unfortunately...

...she remembers me. :)

Lady: Well hello Mr. Brook, what did we screw up today?

\grindsteeth
Q: Automatic payments.

Lady: How so?

Q: /explains

Lady: Let me put you on hold while I look into it.

\listenstosilence.

(The DoC has no hold music...probably explains why they get yelled at a lot.)

Lady: I don't show any records of you being put on a pay agreement for this account.

Q: I have a letter in my hand with the case number for that account stating I'm in default of a pay agreement. I have bank records showing the state drafting my account 3 times automatically for $140.

Lady: Let me transfer you to the lady you initially spoke to about the pay agreement since I can tell you're about to chew me out again.

Q: I only chewed you out last time because you were a complete bitch about the situation. You assumed the worst about me without even bothering to listen to actual facts. As long as you listen and don't assume anything, you and I will get along just fine, but if you're still mad about it, then yeah, go ahead and transfer me. Just make note of the fact that no progress was made on this account until someone actually bothered to do some research and speak to me like I was a human being.

Lady: I find it hard to believe that's the only reason progress was made.

Q: Facts don't lie. I wrestled around with you guys for 3 years trying to make good on this, but you guys kept losing paperwork, filing it in the wrong places or flat out telling me that I was lying. It wasn't until October that the other lady bothered to look. I don't want to argue these points with you. I'm far too tired.

Lady: I'll transfer you now.

Q: Thanks.

\moresilence...

Old Lady: Hello Mr. Brook?

Q: Hello ma'am.

Old Lady: What seems to be the problem today?

Q: Apparently you guys set up an automatic payment that's actually working on my end in regards to taking money out of my account, but failing on your end in terms of applying it where it needs to go.

Old Lady: Oh dear, sounds like they assigned the payment to the wrong case.

Q: How does that happen...

Old Lady: Well I'm old and I probably hit the wrong number somewhere.

See, I like this lady. No bullshit from her. No accusations. The entire time I've dealt with her, she's done nothing but treat me professionally. I get that there are douchebags out there that will do everything they can to avoid paying debts off and most debt collectors just simply assume everyone they speak to falls into this category.

That's not to say she doesn't make her own assumptions quietly, but therein lies the solution.

It's quiet. There's no verbalization of it that causes tempers to flare up and no progress to be made.

Seriously, when I get this debt paid off, I'm sending her some flowers.

(And probably sending the other lady a box full of my very own taco-bell-covered-in-wasabi-downed-with-5-hour-energy feces.)

Old Lady: I'll need to read up on what's happening and call you back. No need to worry about any actions being taken since you've called in. We'll get it straightened out.

Q: Thanks.

Old Lady: By the way, I remember the last time you spoke to the lady that transferred you to me. She needs to be taken to the woodshed from time to time. Kids these days.

Q: I'm still convinced you're about to be fired...but I appreciate the support and cooperation.

Old Lady: We'll call you back soon.

The "fired" comment is in relation to my first conversation with said Old Lady. When I initially spoke to her about a payment arrangement, I shit you not, her response after looking at my account was:

"Oh dear, it looks like we've given you the runaround doesn't it?"

There aren't many times I'm almost completely stunned into silence, but that was one of them. After a few seconds, the only thing I could really say was:

"Are you about to be fired or something?"

I spent the next month dealing only with her, but this time the extension I dialed rolled to mega-bitch.

Anyway...back to limbo I go.

Surely they can't fuck this up completely...