So as I'm planning out what equipment I need to take with me and reviewing the reasons I'm actually going up there, I get a phone call from my "boss" at work. Rare that he calls me that early, so naturally, I'm dreading what he has to say.
Boss: "They're having issues over at the other building this morning. Can you stop there first?"
Q: What issues?
Boss: Can't log into the database.
Q: That's not an issue at their building then.
Boss: Ok, just get there a little early and try to figure out what's going on.
Q: On it.
So I rush my shower, fucked up shaving (seriously, I have a huge hairy spot I apparently missed along the side of my adam's apple atm...), brushed my teeth, busted the button off a favorite pair of my shorts (I'M LOSING WEIGHT DAMMIT THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN) and then got in my car and headed to work.
Upon arriving at work, I get stopped at the door by a couple of the guys smoking (since they apparently had nothing better to do as the computers were down...) who felt the need to let me know the computers were down.
I stepped inside and promptly got stopped by the front secretary who wanted to let me know the computers were down.
I walked around the corner no further than 10' away from the front secretary's desk and was stopped by a broker who wanted to let me know the computers were down.
15' away from that stop, I got stopped yet again...
(If you guessed it was to let me know the computers were down...you win a cookie.)
That guy was also the guy who pointed out the spot I missed shaving this morning.
So here's the morning tally thusfar:
1x Boss phone call.
1x Button popped off shorts.
1x Missed spot shaving.
5x redundant messages about the computers being down.
How many of you think I'm about to rage at this point?
Fed up with the repeated stoppings, I found the nearest manager's telephone. Pressed the intercom button...
"ATTENTION EVERYONE WHO CANNOT LOG ON TO THEIR COMPUTERS CURRENTLY. I AM COMPLETELY AWARE THE SERVER IS DOWN. I DO NOT NEED TO BE STOPPED BY EVERY EMPLOYEE IN THIS BUILDING TO LET ME KNOW THE SERVER IS DOWN. I WILL HAVE YOU BACK UP AND RUNNING IN FIFTEEN MINUTES. I REALIZE MOST OF YOU CANNOT FATHOM THE IDEA OF NOT BEING ABLE TO SURF THE INTERNET OR CHECK YOUR UPDATED ONLINE POKER LISTINGS FIRST THING MONDAY MORNING, BUT PLEASE DO NOT STOP ME TO TELL ME THAT THE SERVERS ARE DOWN."
And naturally after that announcement, 3 more jackasses thought it'd be funny to tell me on my way to my office that the servers were down.
So the first thing I did after getting the server back up...
...I killed their accounts.
Then left to go to the other building to fix their issues. The other building was a simple fix. Stupid BIOS on their server was trying to boot from a USB backup drive. They apparently had a power outage over the weekend that lasted long enough for their battery backup to shutdown their phone server. While over there fixing that...
I got the phone call from the main building that a certain 3 employees were unable to log on.
Q: Oh really?
Their Boss: Yeah, they lose money if they aren't on the phone.
Q: Tell them I had my jackass quota for the day and they'll have to wait until tomorrow.
Their Boss: What do you mean?
Q: You heard that big announcement I made over the intercom, right? Specifically the part about not stopping me to tell me the server was down?
Their Boss: Yeah, they stopped you didn't they.
Q: Yep. I'll reactivate their accounts, but I figured I'd cost them some fuckoff time in the process.
Their Boss: Ok. I'll get on their asses too.
And now here I am. Everything's back up. I have 3 pissed off employees at me who apparently didn't realize how, to paraphrase Jim Rome, Unfunny, Uninspired and Unoriginal (UUU) their jokes were and a couple bosses who don't like down time at all.
The grand total of time lost as a company (3 idiots aside...)?
30 minutes.
And now if you'll excuse me, there's a lady Bic in the restroom I need to patch my neck up with.
HAPPY FUCKING MONDAY EVERYONE. :)
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