Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Anyone who knows me decently knows I'm a HUGE Transformers honk. I'm a child of the 80s and grew up watching the original series and had a lot of the original toys. I fell out of the Transformers universe after the first movie. This happened for several reasons, the main ones of which were they killed off most of my favorite characters in the movie and the new toys just seemed to take a lot of the imagination out of their playability thanks to gimmicks like Pretenders, Powermasters, etc.

...Then they transitioned to Beast Wars and I was done for a long while. Not that I had issues with the whole beast-bot thing, I just couldn't get into it. And that doesn't mean I'm saying you suck if you liked Beast Wars. To each their own.

About 12ish years ago, I ran across some Transformers figures at a Walgreens. These had a rather odd aesthetic to them. They were Grimlock, Prowl, Sideburn and a 4th one I can't remember. I picked them up and then, upon realizing that Grimlock was part of a combiner team, I went hunting for the rest. In that hunt, I had managed to rekindle my childhood facination with these toys. That line was the R.I.D. line. Since then, I've picked up the entire Armada, Energon, Cybertron, Classics, Movie1, Com.Series (G1 reissues), Classics v.2 and Animated lines.

The point of all that? Just to illustrate the extent of one of my hobbies and to show a little background on my thoughts of this movie.

There are spoilers from this point on. Don't read if you don't like spoilers.

Prior to viewing this movie, I had read a lot of "leaked" news and a number of the reviews from various critics (most of which just bashed the film completely). I felt like I had a pretty good idea what to expect...

...and yet I still felt let down after the movie was done.

I also felt like I had my ass kicked by a group of thugs in the middle of the night.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not yelling things like "MICHAEL BAY RUINED MY CHILDHOOD" or "GEE-ONE OR ELSE". I appreciate new and different spins on the various characters from Transformers lore as it keeps the series fresh and keeps attracting new fans. I can sum this movie up by saying one thing.

Steven Spielberg apparently had no input on the final product.

What do I mean by that? In the first movie, Spielberg and Bay's fingerprints were both all over it. In a way, I felt this worked as a bit of a leash on Bay. Spielberg is the master at bringing the audience into the world he's creating through connection to character. Bay is the master of oiling women up, showing off their cleavage bouncing in slow motion, and blowing shit up. On paper, this looks like a near perfect marriage for Transformers. The characters of the bots, the imagination behind their ability to transform and the often times epic battles that take place screamed Spielberg + Bay. In this sequel, it's clear from the very start that it's Bay's world, we're just spectators and he's going to beat us senseless with action until we start liking his stuff. The leash had been removed. It's a shame too because the writers Bay has for this movie are very talented and proved it with their revitalization of the Star Trek franchise (Orci and Kurtzman).

The story of this movie has several arcs. We see them detail some of the Transformers' ancient history diving into the original Transformers, their life source (energon), and the matrix of leadership. We see the relationship between the Autobots and the humans develop more. We see a few loose ends from the first movie get tied up by the appearance of various characters like Agent Simmons. We're also introduced to a number of "new" characters from Transformers lore. The story itself is not something that's hard to wrap your mind around or requires a ton of thought, but it's a very neat concept that's generally overshadowed by...baysplosions. Keep in mind that the vast majority of the Transformers cartoons aren't built around a solid story (Beast Wars and Animated are pretty much the only exceptions). Their stories are generally built around some dastardly Decepticon shenanigans and the Autobots fighting to stop them with some character development in between.

The Good Guys (Bots)

Optimus Prime - You can't have a Transformers movie w/o him. Peter Cullen returning to voice him gives me chills everytime I hear him. His death scene in this movie could have been something people would talk about for ages. It was rather brutal, but ruined by Power Ranger-esque explosions. Most of the movie is spent showing that Sam and The Fallen/Decepticons are after the same thing, but for different reasons. They're both after the Matrix. Sam wants it to revive Prime while the Decepticons want it to activate their sun-destroying machine. In the first movie, there were really only two fight scenes involving Prime. One he kicked some ass for about a minute, and the other, he got his ass handed to him by Megatron. He's apparently been studying and buffing up since then because in this movie, he beats the shit out of damn near everything that comes in front of him.

Ironhide - Pretty much same role as first movie. Weapons expert, minimal speaking parts. Yells at Sam to "get to..." something again. I still can't get into the voice they have for him. I wish they'd get something that sounded more gruff. As it stands, he sounds like this nasally bureaucrat with a British accent.

Bumblebee - They go to rather great lengths this time to develop the relationship between Bumblebee and Sam further, which I liked. The only thing I didn't like was that they still had him communicating through his radio. The gimmick would have still worked in some scenes, but really...he spoke perfectly fine at the end of the first movie, why couldn't he here. He also tears the shit out of some Decepticons.

Sideswipe - New character for movie purposes. Love his design and his attitude, but didn't like his minimal screen time. I'm looking for him to be more of an impact player in the third movie.

Rachet - Only two scenes with him in it. Wasn't too overly disappointed in this, but would like to see him more if possible. He's always been a rather intriguing character.

Skids/Mudflap - The "Twins". They had their funny moments. "OW THAT HURT", "IT'S AN ASSKICKING, IT'S SUPPOSED TO HURT!" is an example. Throughout the entire movie, these two are bickering and talking junk. It gets tiresome, but overall I thought they were effective.

Arcee/Chromia/Third Bike - No character development here, but none was really needed. Anyone who's followed the series knows who Arcee is. Chromia is a bit obscure even to some die-hard fans. Big props to getting Arcee's orginal voice in there (Susan Blu) even though it was just two lines. We don't know if Arcee bit the dust, but we do know she took some rather heavy fire and some parts got blown off her towards the end of the movie.

Wheelie - If there's one character they nailed in this movie it's this one. Wheelie's TF history is that of an annoying and overly-pointless robot. I actually liked him up until he started humping Mikaela's leg. Good thing he disappeared after that...

Jetfire - This was the one new bot I was most excited to see and he didn't fail to deliver. He's a completely different spin on what most people think of when they think of Jetfire, but it's a good spin. His sacrifice at the end of the movie was really cool, but I wish it had been acknowledged a little more by Prime instead of Prime just shrugging off Jetfire's parts when the battle is done.

The Good Guys (Humans)

Sam Witwicky - Shia plays this same basic character in every movie he's in, but he's good at it. As always, he's the difference between the Autobots winning and losing.

Mikaela Banes - Someone needs to off this character. Plenty of movies have succeeded without having some oiled up, fake breasted, cleavage bouncing, dirt-smudged female lead running in slow motion from something exploding behind her. That's nothing against Megan Fox personally, I just don't see her point in this film. There's nothing wrong with Sam having a love interest in this movie and this character is just fine for that, but really...did she do anything other than pester Sam to tell her the L word and run away from crap in this movie? She captured Wheelie and somehow turned him into this horny robot that humped her leg.

Leo - GOOD LORD KILL HIM. HE'S MORE POINTLESS THAN MIKAELA. He seriously added nothing to this film. Jar Jar Binks had more relevance to the new Star Wars movies than Leo did to Transformers.

Agent Simmons - I was happy to see him return. I felt he stole the show in the first movie. I could have done w/o seeing him in a thong though. (For those of you keeping track at home...Simmons has gone from being shown in Sector Seven boxers to a Sector Seven thong. Care to guess what's coming in the third movie?)

Captain Lennox - I didn't like his character much in the first movie, but I liked what they did in this one. He felt rather random in the first one, but in this one he had a rather clear role and purpose.

Sergeant Epps - Kind of the same feeling as Lennox. The orange smoke scene was great though. "It wasn't one of my better tosses Ok?" Really makes you wonder if that stuff actually happens on real battlefields.

Ron Witwicky - Kevin Dunn plays the father role so fkn good. I liked him in the first movie and thought we were going to get more of the same in this one, but I was wrong. After the Decepticons use Ron and Judy Witwicky as bait to lure Sam out, I was really impressed by Dunn's portrayal of this character in the middle of the battle.

Judy Witwicky - She was a crazy mom in the first movie, but someone decided to crank up the craziness to full blast. I didn't like that much. It made me glad she fell off the map as far as spoken lines are concerned after the campus scene. Don't get me wrong...the character is good and does a lot to add to Sam's character development (especially if you're that 17-19 y.o. guy with the over protective, overly sentimental mother...), but I could have done w/o the whole reefer eating scene.

The Bad Guys (Bots)

The Fallen - Interesting background. Interesting abilities. Nice pick up of obscure Transformers lore. More on him in a bit cause I can't really explain w/o dragging some other characters into it.

Megatron - Same boat as Prime. You really can't have a Transformers anything without this guy. I felt like they improved him A LOT in this movie save one fact: making him a servant of the Fallen. Megatron has never served anyone. There's some speculation over Megatron being a descendant of the original 13 Primes like Optimus is (since Optimus called him "brother" at the end of the first movie) and that his 'servitude' to Fallen is all merely a ruse. I could get behind that because that's something Megatron would do, but if that's not the case, then the writers need to go back to the drawing board and review their history of Megatron. Aside from that, Megatron is brutal, coniving and vindictively vengeful in this movie with a lot more dialogue. That was very welcome.

Starscream - They also made some very drastic improvements to this character from the first one. The whole Megatron/Starscream dynamic was in full swing here which was very welcome as well.

Soundwave - I knew going in his role would be minimal, but I didn't think it'd be limited to 3 lines and staying in space. Kudos for Frank Welker getting to voice him as well as even including him in the movie though.

Ravage - Had a lot more airtime than Soundwave. His eventual fate I thought was rather quick and poorly done, but he did what Ravage does. He created a lot of havoc.

Constructicons - Mixmaster, Demolishor, Long Haul and Rampage made their debut. While they didn't really have any speaking parts, just the fact they were there and were destroying shit was great to see.

Devastator - This was a different spin on this character that I'm still undecided about. Originally, the 6 constructicons would merge to form Devastator. They kept the whole merging thing in tact, except it seemed like Devastator was put together out of some random construction vehicles and not the Constructicons themselves. He was massive and did exactly what his name implies, but he went out rather...weakly.

Blackout/Grindor - Seems like he was put in purely as an excuse for Hasbro to repaint his toy and put him back out on the shelf. He was the helicoptor that was killed in the first movie by Capt. Lennox. Plays a small role in capturing Sam, but does nothing else except get his face ripped apart by Prime. Every movie has to have fodder and that's what this guy's main purpose is this time around.

The Doctor/Scalpel - I still don't know what to make of this guy. He played a couple good bit parts, then just fell off the map after Sam was rescued by the Autobots. I assume he was destroyed in all that mayhem, but I think it would have been funny to see a Wheelie vs. Doctor fight or something.

Alice - What purpose did this character really serve other than to get more boobs and ass shots in this movie? Don't get me wrong, she's attractive, but pointless. This felt ripped straight out of Terminator. Her scenes could have easily be done with something else and taken nothing away from the movie.

Racial Overtones

A lot of critics are bashing this movie for racism. Don't buy into it. The characters of Skids and Mudflap (voiced by Tom Kenny) plays up a few stereotypes, but it's no worse than what you see animated or produced on a daily basis on a normal TV show. I have to agree with Bay on this one that it's all in good fun with no malice directed at any one group at all.

Perversion

I'm completely expecting to be called a hypocrite for saying this, but there was way too much perversion in this movie. Toilet humor, Devastator had balls, humans landing in awkward sexual positions, dogs humping, porn references and tasers to male junk all over the place. I'm all for some jokes like these if they're well timed and whatnot, but when you go to see a Transformers anything...the last thing you expect is for Agent Simmons to be standing under Devastator with a pair of wrecking balls dangling down from his groin.

It should say a lot about the overall plot arc of this movie if I'm saying there's too much perverted stuff.

Overall thoughts

I did leave the theater a little disappointed and there was one main reason why. Lack of decent dialogue. I didn't like feeling bludgeoned through the whole movie (which is 2.5 hours long) with non-stop explosions and felt they missed an opportunity to really lure some new fans into the Transformers universe by developing the characters a little more. Even spending 15 minutes less blowing shit up and using it to develop a character a new person could connect with and perhaps be enticed to buy when they see the figure on a store shelf would have gone a long way with me. I realize this isn't the Michael Bay formula though and people going to see this movie should expect nothing more or less than what Michael Bay has constantly delivered throughout his career.

There were a lot of improvements in this film and a number of steps backwards. It's definitely worth going to see in theaters perhaps multiple times, just don't expect to have to do any thinking. Just sit back and watch stuff blow up in slow motion.