Chad,
I need you to come up today to do the work I've been requesting of you for the past 3 months. I'm getting sick of having you disrespect me because of your innate fear of successful women. I find it sickening that I have to ask you so many times to do what amounts to simple tasks like getting Outlook installed and my {proprietary work software name} working. I've spoken to my bosses about this issue and they assured me they would take the appropriate action necessary. I expect to see you no later than 1PM this afternoon.
Sincerely,
Sexist-Card Playing Successful Woman
(Name's obviously edited to protect identity...)
Ok...so as most of you know, I own a computer repair business. From time to time, I'm prone to run into crazy people. I can't give a ton of details here about the business SCPSW works for, but I can tell you exactly where the miscommunication happened that caused SCPSW to flip out and send me this email.
About 4 months ago, I changed the server at said business.
Actually to make this easier, we'll call this business "LMAO".
Anyway, I changed the server at LMAO due to their rapid growth. They went from a basicaly, peer to peer, 5 PC network to a 15 PC network with a Domain Controller spread across 30 square miles.
(Yes, tech speak, STFU and stay with me...)
So once I put this new server in, some of the peripheral devices that the employees used didn't work with the network anymore. Things like...
...SCPSW's laptop.
As a tech, it's impossible to know every single thing an employee is going to want to do. You pretty much have to take it day to day. I knew this laptop wasn't going to work with their company's software unless I actually put it on the new domain. I've explained to her the ramifications of doing so as she'd end up with a local profile and a network profile. I feel like I've pretty much gone over every single thing that was going to happen if I put her laptop on the domain, but to no avail.
Her mentioning of Outlook is something else that's been a point of contention between she and I. That particular version of Outlook is something she's already installed and activated on a different machine. It's license is for one machine, yet she wants me to install it and try to circumvent the activation process. I've told her repeatedly that her saving $300 is not worth risking my business and potentially getting sued by Microsoft for software piracy.
On top of that, there are three people up there that are authorized to say "Yes, we'll spend money on Chad coming up to fix your issues" and SCPSW is not one of them. So naturally, this email came as a bit of a shock.
At first, I was a little miffed, but then I found it funny. Why?
Well look at it's contents. First, she's pissed about something she's wanted me to do for 3 months. Something she's not authorized to get me to do. Second, the stuff she's saying she's wanted me to do is stuff I've gone out of my way to explain to her, but she hasn't actually responded in a manner (until this email) that would lead me to believe she understood. Third, the stuff she's wanting to use her laptop for is stuff she's got the ability to access her desktop remotely to do as long as she has internet access (remote web workplace...).
And last...but not least...
Did she really pull out the sexist card?
Really? In 2009?
When she knows my girlfriend is a successful attorney?
When 2 of the 3 people authorized to bring me to her place of employment are successful women?
When I've actually had a conversation with her and congratulated her about her level of success and the hardships she's had to go through to get to where she is?
Part of me understands why she'd have a tendency to play that card. The work environment she's in on a day to day basis is mostly men. It's a construction-based business model. Not that women can't do the construction work, you just typically don't see them doing it. This will also sound like I'm stereotyping construction workers (and to an extent I am...), but they aren't exactly known for having the capacity to treat everyone equally. There are some on that staff up there that truly do believe women shouldn't be allowed to vote, read, write, etc.
(Yes, I make jokes about that from time to time...)
(Ok...I make jokes about that all the time at Invy's expense....)
(Erm...Ok I make jokes about that all the time at the expense of most women. And ethnicities. And Nationalities. And religions. And...well...pretty much anything that should piss people off if I were serious, but all joking aside, they're made because of the sheer stupidity of the mentality.)
Still, that card being played. On the computer guy. Someone who hasn't made those jokes to anyone on a professional level.
Pay attention folks. A lesson is about to be served.
I called her boss. I asked Bossman about the conversation he had with SCPSW referenced in the email. The conversation went something like this:
Q: SCPSW is pissed at me eh?
BM: Yeah, she was upset.
Q: She name anything specific I've said or done that lead her to believe I'm sexist?
BM: No. She mostly just made it sound like you've been ignoring her for 3 months.
Q: I can send you email correspondence between she and I for the past 3 months.
BM: You don't have to worry about your standing with me. I know my employees and their tendencies and you're safe.
Ok, whew. Deconstructed one pillar of support.
Then I called her other boss. We'll call her Bosswoman.
Q: SCPSW is pissed at me eh?
BW: I heard your conversation with BM
(Oh yeah...they're married)
Q: Oh yeah, marriage...etc.
BW: She's had a bad week.
Q: So she took it out on the computer guy?
BW: Looks that way.
Second pillar of support deconstructed.
Now it's just SCPSW vs. me.
I drove an hour to LMAO.
I walked into the building.
I walked into her office.
I closed her door.
I locked it.
I sat in the chair directly across her desk from her.
I made eye contact and forced myself not to break it.
(This is really setting up like some trashy romance novel as I type this out...)
Q: Tell me. What exactly have I done the past 3 months that has made you believe I'm intimidated by your success or your gender?
SCPSW: <.<
SCPSW: >.>
(I'm following her eyes around trying to force her to see that I'm not going to look away until I have a straight answer.)
Q: You send me an email scathing me about my level of service and what you perceive to be my level of morality in relation to your gender and success. Again, what have I done to give you that impression?
SCPSW: I don't know, I was pissed when I sent that email at a lot of different things.
Q: So you're saying you basically accused me of something I could easily lose my business over because you were pissed at a lot of things other than me?
SCPSW: No, I'm pissed that it's taken 3 months for you to do this.
Q: Let's get a couple things straight. I take orders from 3 people here, you're not one of them. I've also got a paper trial of conversations I've had with you over the issue you're pissed about and you've left me without an impression up until that email about which way you wanted to go.
SCPSW: ...
Q: I'm the computer repair man. I'm not your verbal whipping post. You have issues, you take them out on the people that they need to be taken out on. You have issues with me, you come to me with why you're pissed and without the baseless accusations. We'll get along much better that way.
SCPSW: ...
Q: If you really think I'm intimidated by your success, you need to understand there are people I work for all over this state who make a lot more money than you do and are female. Two of which make more in a year than I would make in 10. You don't intimidate me. You don't scare me. I have nothing but good wishes for your success because your success means this business is successful which means, as long as I keep your bosses happy, I have a customer.
SCPSW: ...
Q: Now if you'll excuse me, I have other work to do here before I get to your requests. Take 3 deep breaths before you send me another email like that.
Then I went to a different office.
About 15 minutes later, the last authorized person there sees me as I'm walking through a hallway and stops me...
(We'll call her SubBossWoman.)
SBW: What'd you say to SCPSW?
Q: Should remain between she and I.
SBW: Whatever you said pissed her off even more. She stormed out of here.
Q: Really?
SBW: Not going to pry, but if you pissed her off that bad, it's been a long time coming. Bosses don't want to fire her cause she's so good at what she does, but she's horrible from a workplace chemistry standpoint.
Q: ...that's really your business to handle. I'm not so sure you should be telling me this stuff.
SBW: Oh no worries, it's common knowledge. I know about the email she sent you this morning. I figured you'd open your mouth about that.
Q: Yeah. Major pet peeve of mine are baseless accusations.
SBW: On another note...how pissed off were you to get here in 40 minutes when it normally takes 60.
Yeah...
ANYWAY!! (hope no policemen are reading this...)
Moral of the Story:
I hate bigots. While I'm perfectly aware the jokes I make will offend some, the vast majority of the people I make them to understand they're made in jest and I will roll with jokes at my expense as well. When I offend someone, I hope they are truly human enough to actually tell me they're offended so that I can actually try to avoid offending them later, but unfortunately, they aren't. I'm completely intolerable of people who truly believe one gender, race, nationality, etc is superior to another and am one of the first people to mouth off about it if I see someone being victimized by it. Understand, however, that as human beings, we have to be able to laugh at ourselves about pretty much anything.
There are always exceptions and lines not to cross, but those are so serious in nature, that one would hope it was ingrained in all of us not to cross those lines. Some of the universal ones would be a permanent physical ailment, personal appearance (self-deprecation is not a signal to pile on), or the epitome of an emotional disaster.
In the case of Sexist-Card Playing Successful Woman, I'm accused of said bigotry and completely without merit as I haven't made any jokes. When I'm around customers, I tend to maintain an air of professionalism that's led most of my customers to believe I actually have no sense of humor.
Unless they do something truly stupid with their computers and I just can't help myself...like the lady that literally melted the front of her computer with a space heater. Man did I have a field day with that one.
Whoops, digressed.
Anyway, SCPSW called me as I was on my way home later and apologized. She offered to take me out to lunch to make up for it, which I politely declined. People are allowed to mess up and as long as they own up to it and don't make the same mistakes repeatedly, I'm willing to forgive and forget.
This has been Dr. Q Tip Us and I'm glad I could help. :)
The stupidity of people is mind-boggling. The people who often complain about discrimination are often the ones who are the most racist/sexist/etc of the lot, or at the least the ones who do the most harm to the image of their race/gender/religion/etc.
ReplyDeleteExcept Canadians, who are (as they should be) mocked by all.